You look me in the mirror – Mélie Benton

You look me in the mirrorBack to Heaven

I’m walking alone barefoot in my big house. It’s almost midnight, but I have to finish to dress up because Lola picks me up in twenty minutes. She wants to go partying… I’m in, most of the time, when she wants to go out, but tonight I’m not in the mood.

My name is Sealiah, but humans call me Celia or Cece, and tonight I celebrate my anniversary. It’s been 666 years that I lost my wings and arrived on Earth. I know… 666 – Brrrrrr – the Devil’s number. I don’t fear it anymore, considering that Satan is my father. Yeah you’re not mistaken, I’m really talking about the big evil guy who lives under the surface of Earth. Rest assured, he’s visiting me only for my « important » birthdays… that means every ten years.

I thought that Daddy would pay me a visit today, considering that I celebrate his number of predilection, but apparently sowing chaos and discord is a full-time job. He told me earlier that he’s currently testing the butterfly effect. However, he send me a present with a card:

Take care of yourself my flying angel…

Really ?! I’m not even flying anymore ! I almost chocked on my cornflakes this morning when I read his card. Satan has a big sense of humor… HA.HA.HA.

At least the present was great: a classic red lipstick that fits perfectly my tonight’s tight little skirt. His assistant Orphea must have chosen it. As Dad says: even the Master of Hell needs someone to take care of his little stuff. Orphea loves her job and is very careful to not irritate my father. She’s a demon as hot as hell – bad joke, sorry – and has very good tastes: for my last anniversary, she bought me my favorite black dress. It’s a Channel ! « You’ll never go out of style with it » she says when she gave it to me.

I’m in my bathroom, brushing my wild brown curls when I recognize the presence behind me.

« Hello Gabe, do you have a message for me ? » I ask him.

Gabriel is the Heaven’s Messenger. He is one of the few angels that can trample Earth without loosing his wings. He carries messages of peace and other little things as the birth of Jesus Christ. He’s so proud of this one that an entire night isn’t enough for him to tell the whole story.

My heartbeat accelerates because Gabe may have some letters from Leo for me. It’s been nearly two years since the last time I had news from him. Time doesn’t pass as quickly as Heaven on Earth… But still, I yearn for hearing something from him, for seeing his elegant writing and smelling his scent on the paper. The rare messages we send each other are our only way of communication.

« Hello Beautiful, happy birthday. I’m going very well and you? Thank you for asking. » Gabe answers me with a smirk.

« Sorry Gabe… I crave for news from Leo you know. »

« Nobody in all Heaven can miss that Dear. He’s getting hard on our nerves to get you back up there. But the letter I had for you didn’t pass heaven’s Customs… » he tells me disappointed.

That’s enough to make me cry. I’m depressed on Earth. It’s not because I don’t like the place, I always dreamed of living there, but Leo (Lelahel is his angelic name) isn’t here with me.

We already loved each other at the beginning of times and we were engaged at the moment I lost my wings. But because of a stupid angelic rule that forbids communications between Heaven and Earth, he’s not even able to write me a letter… It’s not enough for them that I didn’t see him in seven centuries, we cannot even contact each other anymore. As a – former – angel I’m patient, but it begins to be long…

Sometimes Gabriel gives me a letter forgotten by Customs, but it’s very uncommon. I would never forget Leo’s face, but I’m loosing hope to see him ever again. His long dark hair slicked back in a ponytail and the reflection of the clouds in his dreaming blue eyes are etched in my memory forever. Throughout the years, I began to loose the faith I had in us. I will never ever again be able to touch his trembling blue wings when he’s making love to me… That’s depressing.

I always wanted to travel the world and do the same job as Gabriel, but it was forbidden to me. I didn’t understand why and nobody had the answers. After years of unsuccessful negotiations, I decided to meet The Creator directly. The meeting was a disaster… The Lord was very kind to me but I discovered why I couldn’t be a Messenger: God, the father of all angels, was not mine. I was the child of Lucifer, the only child he got before the Fall, before he betrayed God. And God didn’t want me to go on Earth because he was afraid that my diabolical father would try to meet me.

You don’t imagine what this information made to my nerves. I felt rejected, I pictured that everybody looked me differently in Heaven because I was Satan’s child. In hindsight, I must admit that I was wrong, especially after I learned that God didn’t ever told anyone about my special situation. He treated me as one of his own child and I denied his love…

A few hours after God’s confession, I broke down and ran away from Paradise to meet my father. At this time, I presumed that if I was his child, he couldn’t be as vicious as everyone thought and perhaps he would love me more than The Creator. It was a mistake. At the moment I passed the doors of Hell, I lost my wings, my place in Heaven and the right to love Leo…

Lelahel tried to follow me out of Heaven. He would have fallen for me. But you don’t quit Heaven as easily as a random angel when you’re part of the eight God closest Seraphs. The other angels caught and keep him in Paradise. Now I’m glad they did because Leo’s place isn’t on Earth. He’s made of light and his soul is to pure for this planet.

He only stopped trying to escape to join me three centuries ago when I told him in a letter that I would hate him forever if he falls for me. Writing this message and renounce to our love was the most difficult thing I ever did. But I had to do it because Gabriel told me that Leo was going to die during one of his breakouts.

« Don’t cry Sealiah please ! I’m totally helpless when you do that… » Gabe tells me as I go back to the present. He is panicking and handing me a tissue, which makes me laugh between two sobs. Then he tries to change the subject:

« So, what did Devil Daddy offer you this year ? »

Gabriel was the only one aware of my special connection with Satan because The Lord charged him to keep an eye of me.

Gabe often tells me that I’m the only good thing that my father did. He told me once that he really likes to call him Devil Daddy, because he never imagined Lucifer as a loving father. And I have to admit that I have difficulties to call him Dad too, even if he insists on it.

Dad is very busy trying to destroy the world, but since he learned of my existence, he never forgot one of my birthday and calls me every Sunday afternoon. He wouldn’t win a Father of the Year trial, but he makes efforts for me.

« He send me this lipstick this morning, Orphea chose it I think. » I tell Gabriel while showing him the little tube. He doesn’t wait to take it in his hands and examine it very carefully.

« Funny as ever! » Gabe says reading the little inscription on the tube: Choose Hell for a red-letter day.

I chuckle because I recognize my dad signature here. He tried a lot of times to enroll me in his evil team but I always refused. I can manage being Satan child, but working for him and fantasizing about The End of Times is beyond my capacity. I lived 666 years on Earth, but I didn’t forget my angelic education for God’s sake!

« So did you have time to establish that this lipstick isn’t a weapon of mass destruction? » I ask Gabriel who gives the tube back to me while pulling out is tongue.

« You would be surprise by everything Satan creates to make the angel lives hell…So, I love you Beautiful, but I have some mails to deliver. Bye! »

And like that, without waiting for my answer Gabriel disappears of my bathroom. I’m used to his continual coming and going, so I just restart to brush my hair where I left it.

I check my phone and a message from Lola informs me that she’ll be late. Since I have some time left, I put my new red lipstick on my lips looking in the mirror. The clock rings: Midnight.

In front of me, the mirror is blurring. I rub it with a towel to remove the steam, but nothing works. Gradually my face disappears from the mirror and leaves room to a white foamy surface that I know too well. I rub my eyes a few times to put an end to the hallucination. It’s been a long day and I’m tired, but it’s not the moment to break out.

When I finally reopen my eyes, I retreat and bump my head on the wall behind me because I’m so shocked of what I see in front of me in the mirror. I close and open my eyes a few times, but the alluring vision I have doesn’t disappear. I approach cautiously the mirror and touch the flat surface. I’m not hallucinating: Leo is looking at me from the other side of the mirror  and he seems as lost as I am.

« Cece ? Is it you ? » he asks me.

I’m so amazed of hearing his voice that I’m speechless for a few seconds.

« How did you… How did you do that Leo? You’re in the mirror of my bathroom. » I didn’t respond to his question, but he knows it’s me as well as I know that it’s him.

« I don’t know Honey… Your face appeared before me and I thought I was dreaming. I don’t understand. Something has changed. »

« Nothing changed, I still don’t have my wings back. Normally we mustn’t be able to communicate. » I tell him, unhappy of our current situation.

« I love you ! I don’t know how long we have and I don’t want another second passing without telling you. »

For the first time in what seemed an eternity, the air in my lungs doesn’t hurt anymore. I can breath freely without a weight on my chest.

With tears in my eyes, I answer: « I miss you so much! I’m so sorry I left you… »

« I know my love, but I’m coming to get you. I won’t stay here when you’re so far away from me! »

« They won’t let you go Leo. And even if your able to escape, I don’t want you to fall for me. I’m not worth that sacrifice. »

« Are you kidding me? I’m slowly dying without you. » he says angry.

I look carefully at him. He is right: he lost his glow, his face is pale and skinny. The deep blue wings he was always so proud of, pierce his white T-Shirt but subside on his shoulders. They even lost their color and some feathers on the extremities. He looks so tired that my heart aches for him. It takes decades for an angel to reach this state of illness…

« You cannot quit Heaven Leo, you can’t go against everything you believe for me! »

« It’s impossible for you to return to Paradise, I tried everything… I’m going on Earth Cece. There’s no other way to be together. »

He sounds so pessimistic that a heavy silence settles for a few seconds. It’s broken by the echo of a deep cavernous voice: « There is a way Sealiah. » As I recognize immediately my father’s voice, the smell of sulfur fills the room.

I throw a quick glance at the mirror, but it’s now like a TV screen during a storm. My father, alias Satan, sends so much interferences that you cannot pick up the Heaven’s signal anymore. What a surprise !

He is leaning against the door-frame, filing his nails. If I wasn’t his daughter and if I wasn’t deeply in love, I would surely lust for him. Imagine Channing Tatum, add him some of your deepest desires and you have a good picture of my father. Lucifer always appears to someone as his biggest fantasy. That’s why the first time I saw him, he was the exact copy of Leo. I was so disturb that he promised me to never do that again. Since then he appears to me as a very good looking Channing Tatum.

« Hello Dad, what is this miraculous way to go back to Heaven? » I’m skeptical because if Satan had a way to go back to Paradise, he would use it for himself.

« I already gave you the key. » He tells me without looking up to me.

« What are you talking about? » He’s getting on my nerves and I’m very irritable. This time I’m positive, I got that from him…

« Doesn’t a door to Heaven open when you used your lipstick? » This time he looks me in the eyes as the realization hits me.

« The lipstick is the key?! » I’m almost screaming.

« They don’t learn you anything up there? »

Leave it to my Dad to always make a mean comment on my angelic education…

He is exasperated but continues his explanation: « It’s not a lipstick, but an argil from Eden’s Garden. I took it before Eve ate the apple. It’s the only thing that could open a gate between Earth and Heaven. »

Because I’m not born yesterday and because I’m talking with the biggest liar ever, I’m a bit suspicious: « If it’s the only key, why don’t you use it yourself? »

He’s proud of my guessing: « That’s my girl ! Me and my demons can’t use it, God take care of that. So do you want to join your angel or not? »

« Hum… Yeah of course! »

« Trace a big circle with the lipstick on the mirror when I’m gone. Happy Birthday Sealiah. Take care of yourself, evil’s not for someone like you. Adieu. » He finally says and vanishes in a cloud of smoke.

I’m a little shaken of saying goodbye to my father even if he’s Lucifer. But I do as he told me and a gate opens. Without thinking I cross it and fall into Leo’s loving arms where I’ll stay forever.

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